Numb.

I’ve just been fired.

After being on medical leave for 6-7 weeks, instead of my first day back being my first day back, they fired me. I’ve never been fired before.

They’re supposed to give me my job back after a medical leave of absence. This is the premise on which I’ve been doing my therapy; this is the basis on which I’ve been psyching myself out: my goal has been “return to work.”

I didn’t have a plan for “get fired” even in the abstract. I never thought it was even a possibility.

But here I am.

I’m no longer on medical leave. I’ve been fired.

I feel like a massive truck just came out of nowhere and smashed any possible mental wellbeing I had cultivated over the past few weeks. All the hard work I did – smashed without any regard for how hard it was did me to accomplish.

I’m back at square one – but lower. At least before, I had a job to return to. I took solace in that. It was comforting.

Now I feel at a complete loss – what do I do? What is my plan? My Ego was right all along – I had reason to listen to Fear and heed its warning. Am I wrong?

I don’t have the energy to think about any of that right now.

All I know to be true is that today, I was fired

And I cannot help but feel that my mental health is the reason.

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9 thoughts on “Numb.”

  1. Sorry to hear that! Is there anyway you can legally fight this?

    Think of all the progress you’ve made in therapy if you ever feel like you’ll fall into bad habits again. There will be other, better jobs out there that will treat you with more dignity. Don’t give up 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can, but it’s a difficult thing to talk about in a public setting. Until everything is negotiated or litigated, or whatever happens, I’m not going to talk about it here. Just to be safe.

      But thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I know there will be a light in the end of the tunnel eventually – it’s just so hard to see it right now. xo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow- I sure didn’t see that one coming. Contact an employment attorney and ask if you have a case for suit because I think you do. It all depends on the state you live in and state laws, but I know in our state this would be prohibited. A lawsuit takes years. So after you contact that attorney, go to your Social Security office and file for unemployment.
    Those are steps one and two for when you can move again.
    Then put the whole BS on hold. This is a holiday, one about gratitude and you have so much this year to be grateful for. Make a list of all those things and keep it where you can see it when you feel down. Include on that list how much of a dick your boss was and how happy you really feel never to have to work with him again and see his angry puss.
    Enjoy the holiday- every place you’d like to work is closed so f it and have a little fun. You need it. Watch “frozen” and “let it go”. Start singing “Let it Go” around your house. If you have a game system, Just Dance 2015 has a dance along – that’s a real spirit booster that I just love.
    Then step 3, after the holidays, visualize your dream job and what you’d really want to do. Update your resume. Visualize how it will feel to work somewhere your hard work is appreciated. Google what you will answer at job interviews about “why you left your last job” and move on one step at a time. Enjoy today. Celebrate you don’t have to go back to work on Monday with those dipshits! Yay.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for the love. I think I will certainly be taking your advice. I’m already on EI (Canada’s equivalent to social assistance) for my ‘illness’, so at least I have that covered for now. But you’re right… taking a holiday from the BS really does seem like a great idea to me. At a minimum, I have started by taking comfort in not having to get up at 6:30a 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. That sounds quite unfair, I would totally fight it. I will say though the universe does some interesting things, maybe the job was causing you some stress as well hopefully a new setting will make you feel better 🙂 hopefully it all works out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree. I think in the long run this is for the better – maybe I would have run into a lot of the same shit as before. More stress etc. A new job is obviously a fresh start, and that feels good. Just writing “fresh start” feels good. xox

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Also- this once happened to one of my patients – it turned out the LOA paperwork wasn’t received to protect their position. I told the patient not to panic and we resent it with a letter to HR of the original date sent- providers are awful about getting this paperwork done- they require the same info every week- ridiculous- and a set up to have an excuse to fire someone who is out on medical leave – that is – if you want to go back, you could find out about that while you mull that over. Fresh is lovely.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh they certainly have my paperwork. But I am going to keep my eyes open for any missed steps!! But no – I do not want to return. I would rather work for one of the “Horrible Bosses” bosses.

    Like

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